No Ordinary Day

This was quite a day.  I planted my first MN garden–and it looks beautiful.  I also completed a ten-year plus book project.  The proof copy is being sent for my novel, The Taming Power of Love.  This books has been such a labor of love.  This book talks about the transformation of the human experience on Earth.  In the story, two young Lakota boys find a strange woman asleep (unconscious) in the Badlands of South Dakota.  She doesn’t know who she is or why she is here.  As the story unfolds, we are caught up in a mystical story about how the characters have come together to do a renewal ceremony for Mother Earth.  Not one of them  knows what the next step is–they are forced to follow what feels right.

One day I heard the Lakota story of the “second cleansing.”  In the story, Unci Makah, (Mother Earth) grows tired of the violent and unruly antics of her human children.  She decides to toss them all off.  Before she does so, she takes a few inside of herself, and then tosses the rest off.  It is said that the ones she chose were taken into Wind Cave and they later emerged as the Lakota people.  This story touched me.  I wondered what Mother Earth (Unci) would do with this human family in this moment.  This was the birthplace of this story.  I thought that there was really only one thing that could save us, and that would be getting in touch with “great love.”

This book is coming out now.  I am so excited about it.  I hope all of my committed readers will find it.  I think you will love it as much as I do.

Jamie

In Front of the Fire

It grows colder and was snowing tonight.  We had a small party at our new house.  A friend, Gordy Pratt is in town to do music for Video Letters from Prison and he and my siblings came over and we played around.  Very nice!

Today I uploaded one of my novels, Washaka–The Bear Dreamer as an ebook on Smashwords.  Still some bugs to work out but I love this site.  Saves trees, saves shipping and the book is 1/4 the cost of a print copy.  Do give it a look at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/6713.  Many of you have already read this book of the heart but if you haven’t, you will want to.  We’ll see how it goes, but I am thinking of adding quite a few of my books to this site so they can be available.  Exciting!  You can even download 30% of the book to preview before buying.  A win win for all.

My writer friends–check it out.

One day soon I will sit down and write a more thoughtful post.  Too much in a hurry these days.

Jamie

On This Thanksgiving Eve

Isn’t it an interesting thing that our “economy” is holding its breath hoping that we will all go out on the day after Thanksgiving and spend lots of money on things we don’t need.  I’m feeling bashed by the ads encouraging me to spend, spend, spend.  I keep thinking about the words I wrote in Re-Visioning Adolescence (which I recently uploaded here chapter by chapter)–about how we are teaching our children to become consumers instead of contributors.  Children need so much more than stuff, and I really think they need to find their own value as human beings participating in this thing we call life.

Today, at the college center, there was a memorial luncheon going on when I got there.  The memorial was for an amazing young man who taught classes for us and whose wife was formerly a student of mine.  Dacotah was 29 and working hard to maintain a traditional Lakota life in this fast-paced, modern world.  He died suddenly from a seizure.  I was supposed to be doing final testing for students but suddenly it felt like were were all in a sacred chapel and testing was the last thing on my mind.  I listened as Dacotah’s mother talked about how when her son was 10, he decided he needed to Sundance.  His elders tried to tell him that he was too young, but he insisted he needed to do this.  During the Sundance, when Dacotah was struggling to go on, two of his relatives (both ten years old) made flesh offerings to help Dacotah sustain his strength for the duration.  This was an amazing young man willling to sacrifice much. 

I guess, on this Thanksgiving Eve, my thoughts are with this powerful young man and the family he left behind.  We all need to make more sacrifices and be willing to do the difficult instead of just what is easy and pain-free.  There is so much that needs to be done to make our culture strong and healthy again.  Keep your wallets in your pockets and let your children (or yourself) discover who you are without all the stuff.  I think we pack it in because we are afraid to look at who we are on the inside.

Do something for someone else tomorrow.  And the next day, and the next day, and the next.

Good night and many blessings for all. 

Jamie

Re-Visioning Adolescence, Chapter 9

Counting down to my son’s wedding and the chance to see all of my grandchildren.  We leave Wednesday and I can’t wait. 

Jamie

 

CHAPTER NINE

What is an Elder-Based Culture?

 

Throughout this book I’ve made frequent references to our need to return to an Elder-based culture. It occurs to me now, at the end of this writing journey, that I haven’t actually defined that clearly for you or myself. Elder-based culture-it certainly sounds good, but what does it mean?

On the surface, the meaning is obvious. Elders are the old ones, the members of our families and communi­ties who have already passed through most of the life stages except one-death. In smaller traditional native commu­nities, these Elders have real status. Our experience in Indian country bears witness to this. The Elders are given first voice on issues. The children of the community are taught to bring food and drink to the Elders at any gath­ering before taking what they want. Elders are consulted on important policy issues and mediate conflict between younger tribal members. When we look again at main­stream American society, this status is not so apparent. Oddly, like our youth, the Elders have lost their rightful place in the world.

In the current culture, the Elders have become Elderly, often seen as frail, sickly, unable to contribute, and a burden on society and their families. This is a very sad indicator of the decline of a culture. I recently saw a Cheyenne quote on a website that said, “A Nation is not conquered until the hearts of its women are on the ground, then it is done. No matter how brave its warriors or how strong its weapons.” Perhaps the same could be said about the nation’s Elders. When the Elders are left out of the vital loop of life, no longer charged with the challenge of contributing their wisdom, understanding, and knowledge to the younger generations . . . they simply get old and culture declines as a result of it.

In early tribal cultures, the task of surviving from one day to the next was so arduous that the younger members of the tribe, those of childbearing age, were expected to provide for the food and safety needs of the others. The grandparents and older aunts and uncles were the primary caregivers of the little ones. It was also recognized that these more experienced members of the tribe had both more patience and more wisdom to give to the children. The circle of the family rippled out around the children in a sphere of care and influence. In Lakota country, this extended family is called the tiyospaye.

In many of the modern Indian communities we visited, this is still very much the general practice. Sadly, there are also a huge number of little ones in the care of grandparents because the parents got caught in the deadly web of alco­hol, gambling, or violence. This is true not only in Indian country but in all communities. When the grandparent takes the full role of parent, they lose their place as grandparent and Elder.

This topic, the erosion of the Elder status within families and communities, certainly deserves its own deep exploration as it echoes through the generations. Like our youth, the Elders have increasingly become a target of the drug companies. Recently a friend’s mother was in psy­chiatric care for depression. Over several months her medications were switched, rotated and stacked, one upon the other, until the poor woman finally went into a toxic overdose. She ended up in a coma in the hospital. Many Elders are under the care of multiple doctors with several medications being prescribed and no one overseeing the entire regime.

Like youth, our Elders need challenge. John Ratey (2001)1 in A User’s Guide to the Brain, wrote about an inter­esting research project done by David Snowdon, a University of Kentucky professor.  He studied a group of nuns living in a monastery in Mankato, Minnesota who were living into their late nineties and early hundreds with strong minds and bodies. Snowdon wanted to know why. He discovered that the nuns, operating on the belief that “an idle mind is the devil’s plaything,” had numerous weekly programs intended to stimulate the mind. They held reading groups and debates, brought in speakers, wrote in their journals, and had study sessions. Ratey (2001) wrote, “Snowdon, who has examined more than 100 brains donated at death by nuns in Mankato and other School Sisters locations across the nation, maintains that the axons and dendrites that usually shrink with age branch out and make new connections if there is enough intellectual stimulation, providing a bigger backup system if some pathways fail.”

It appears that the brain, like a muscle, atrophies without active use. If we shuffle our Elder parents and grandparents off to the side, limiting their involvement in our lives, the effects on their health and brain functioning can be disastrous.

This poses a great challenge to our culture. Our families are scattered like leaves in autumn. Even in my own life, my grandchildren live ten hours away. It is painful for me to not be available to assist my daughters during these early years of their marriage when they are both in college and still trying to find their way in the world. My place is near them. I feel that in my bones, and the telephone is a very poor substitute. As I’ve worked on this book over the past several years, it’s become clearer to me that to create a true Elder-based culture, families need to stick together. Holidays twice a year simply don’t cut it.

In this new millennium, the Elders are living longer, living alone, and living far from their families. We have this strange belief that when we finally get the kids out of the house, it’s our turn to play. Just as our culture is rife with social assumptions about our clueless kids, we have social assumptions that the relatives should butt out of the lives of our young ones. Strange. Like the missing rituals for adolescent rites of passage, it occurs to me that I have no clue what an Elder-based culture would really look like.

We operate under a notion of independence that makes no sense and serves us poorly. We act as if we don’t (or shouldn’t) need each other, and then wonder why we feel isolated and alone. However, creating this Elder connection is not the same as the undeveloped adult running home to have Mom and Dad take care of life for them. Except for a few very close-knit and small native communities I’ve visited, I have no model in the current culture to draw on.

During one of our collection trips to southeast Alaska, we met a Tlinget woman named Marge. Marge was probably in her early sixties, a beautiful and vibrant woman. As we talked with her, she told us that she was being prepared and initiated by her Elders to become an Elder herself. Marge was not taking this action lightly. Being an Elder in her community, she explained, was a true commitment and responsibility that is not simply given but must be earned. As I listened to her, I realized that, rather like the president of the United States, the fate of the younger generations rested on her ability to make wise and careful choices. In Lakota country, people are taught to consider their decisions based on how that deci­sion would effect the next seven generations.

As we’ve seen through these discussions on levels of development and the maturing brain, we don’t automati­cally get wise when we get old. We must strive for it. To become an Elder we must also be initiated into that status.

On our final night in southeast Alaska, we had supper with Marge at her house. After a wonderful meal of freshly caught halibut, Marge explained that she would like to perform a song and dance in honor of our visit. She put on her own mother’s button blanket, took up an eagle feather, and did a slow-moving dance in her living room while she sang. Her sincere offering touched my soul deeply. I’d lost my mother just six months earlier to illness and was still grieving her loss. Something about Marge and her slow movements evoked that grief within me. When she finished her dance, I started to sob. I was a little embarrassed but the tears were beyond my control. Marge was very sweet and comforted me.

When I woke up in the hotel room the next morn­ing, my lower back went into spasms. The pain was incredible. I found a chiropractor and a massage therapist, but the spasms only worsened. Thankfully, we were at the end of the trip, and I crabbed my way across airports and parking lots and finally made it home. I was completely taken over by my pain. For the next two weeks I couldn’t seem to do anything to relieve the spasms.

Finally, one night I was explaining to Milt that I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so sad-for no reason, I told him. He gently reminded me that my mother had just died and that perhaps my experience with Marge and my mother’s death were related. His words opened up this deep pool of grief. I started to cry again. I cried for hours, even crying myself to sleep that night.

I missed my Mom. I wanted her back again in physi­cal form, back in her chair in her little house working crossword puzzles and waiting for me to call. When Marge wore her mother’s blanket across her shoulders, sheltered and warm, I think my soul began to cry out for that. After crying the night through, I woke up the next morning and the back pain had completely disappeared.

Hellinger says we need the strength of our ancestors and our parents behind us if we are to stand strong in the world. I once heard him speak about low back pain resulting from not taking the support of the parents and ancestors. When we don’t feel supported, or are unwilling to take that support, it makes us weak. Honoring the Elders is not just a social nicety that says we should honor them. No, it is a deep need in us to have them back us up and make us strong.

In my work as a facilitator of family constellations, one picture I find particularly beautiful is to see a woman standing with seven generations of women behind her, or to see a man with seven genera­tions of men at his back. When we stand in this place, we see that our generation is just a small foothill in the great mountain range of our ancestors. We feel their strength.

One of the Ten Commandments of the Jewish and Christian religions is “Honor Thy Father and Mother.” Too often this commandment is taken as a social rule or courtesy (not deeply felt) that we extend to our parents out of respect. My understanding of this has changed with the study of the orders of love as observed by Hellinger; we honor our parents not for their benefit-but for our own. Our strength in the world comes from the two portals of our parents from which life flowed through to us. We need our Elders-they do not need us.

In many tribal and other cultures around the world, the spirits of the ancestors are treated as real entities that exist and surround us. The Elders take their guidance from this direction in prayer and ceremony, beseeching the spirits to assist them. The true genius and pioneering courage of Hellinger’s work has been in his willingness to consider that the influence of the ancestors and past gen­erations can extend beyond the grave into the present generations. In some religious and scientific circles, this is a cause of uneasiness.

This discussion, while seeming to stray off into the Mysteries, is of particular importance for if we are to define an Elder-based culture. Each member of a system must seek guidance from the ones behind him or her. To the three-year-old, an older brother of ten is an Elder. To a twenty-year-old, the parents or grandparents are the Elders. If you are eighty, your Elders may be in the spirit world. The stairway to heaven is generational, and only those on a higher tread can show us the way.

This natural order is dictated by the soul, not the head. Your head may be full of yes-buts. Yes, but my parents weren’t successful or smart, my grandfather was a railroad worker, my daddy a drunk. The soul doesn’t speak the language of yes, but. It knows life has arrived in this body only from these two parents. The deeper structures of the family system are like a giant reservoir far upstream, the larger body of energy that Hellinger chooses to call simply “the greater force.” The ancestral line and the two parents who give life are like the place in the dam where the water is released and allowed to begin its flow downstream.

The river of life is a river of love. It flows down to us from above. Without our Elders we, quite simply, wouldn’t exist.

 

creative, generative, colorful, exciting, zesty, juicy, visionary, joyful plans

Tonight I realized that a single comment from a reader motivates me to continue writing in this “virtual” kitchen.  That is how I think of it.  You and I have just sat down with a cup of coffee or tea and we get to talk together about life.  Anyway, thanks for writing Renee. 

 I have been in such a mind tornado lately, trying to make good decisions about the future, trying to see INTO the future.  It doesn’t work for me.  One of the things I’ve learned over the years is that my body is a better director than my mind.  The other day I just got tired of thinking and so I re-entered the novel I began last summer but never got back to after school started.  It is called “Still Mountain” and is placed in the same world as an earlier novel called “Silver”.  Still Mountain is the center and the source of all stories.  My characters are all caught in a story world, in a world where stories come alive.

I think about what the yogis say about Shiva.  Shiva opens his eyes and the world springs into existence-Shiva closes his eyes and it is gone.  As soon as I opened my notebook and re-entered my earlier story, all else disappeared from view.  I love that feeling.   My life is good and I wouldn’t change anything, but the story world is . . . wow.

This past week has been so sweet.  The other day a Lakota woman, my Elder, suggested that I should write a book about me.  I laughed a little and said there is nothing special about me or my life.  She said, “But you give us so much.  You make it okay for us to open.”  Then she explained that trusting a white person is difficult-but not with me.  She almost made me cry.  I hugged her and told her she had just given me a great gift.  I never, ever want to see color first and the human heart second.  She confirmed for me that I am seeing correctly.

Then this morning Milt and I did another Bead People session at the 9th Grade Academy.  The students there are doing a special give-away at the end of the year-everybody in the school and all supporters will get a Bead Person and the little Wind book.  What is so stunning to me is that these students have been placed in this school because they struggle in the mainstream educational system, but you should see them with the beads.  I set out large trays of beads and give them wire and tools and it is like a reverse cyclone.  All the dispersed energy of the room pulls itself toward the center and . . . the hands are busy building Bead People.  I guess that is one reason I love building the Bead People myself.  It forces me to leave my head and get into my hands and body.  If you are not familiar with this project, check out www.thebeadpeople.org on the web.  You may even have to try it.

I am a bit all over the map tonight but it feels good.  I have just a few more tests to give and then we have potluck good-byes (a tradition for final classes at OLC).  Then I am free for the summer.  Naturally, I have a list as long as my arm of things I want to do but number one is to get back to writing practice.  Nothing can happen in storyland unless I put pen to paper and see what will emerge.  Some writers plot things out ahead of time and make intricate outlines.  Me?  I walk out onto the diving board . . . a take a plunge. 

And oh, I am ready for a plunge.  The deeper the waters, the better. 

I hope you are all entering this fine spring with your own creative, generative, colorful, exciting, zesty, juicy, visionary, joyful plans.  Just set the hum drum aside for a few hours a day and enter the new land and see what might emerge. 

Goodnight my friends.

Jamie

 

 

 

 

Semester’s end . . .

I am sitting out in Kyle, SD on the Pine Ridge Reservation watching a spring blizzard move in.  So strange–I could be home with my husband, warm and cozy.  We have meetings (maybe?) tomorrow and so I stayed here in the motel.  We have one more week of our semester at Oglala Lakota College and I have been testing students all week.  It is so strange–we have worked hard together all semester and I have seen them gain confidence, find their stride, and make great advances in learning how to learn.  I love it–and I hate that some “national” test gets to decide their fate and not me, their teacher. 

I can’t even imagine what the repercussions of this “test them” mentality will do on real learning.  At a time when we need to be showing people the power of creating and learning–we put them in a box instead.  It upsets me.  Sometimes I wish I could care less–how is that for a goal?  I know, it wouldn’t be me and it wouldn’t make any sense. 

On the other hand, I had a bunch of my “rapper” type students who sometimes smell like pot and who sometimes can’t make class pass through to the upper English class.  For each one, I put an ‘A’ on their test paper, shook their hands, and congratulated them. 

If I had my druthers (is that really a word?), I would re-write school like I have been re-writing my novel.  I would look for the most exquisite combination of creation, learning, energy work, challenge etc, etc.  I would make students plant gardens, test soil, make art and music, study only what interests them greatly.  I would not be a wise guy at the front of the room with a condescending attitude and a superior stick up my you know what. 

Guess I needed a rant and I also needed to post something.  I did get through the final little tweaky changes for ONE DRUM so I can send it off to my agent tomorrow.  Only 100 pages of tiny edits left.

Good night, friends.

Jamie

BRB

Today Milt (my husband) put up the first of what I hope will be many digital downloads of our recorded and filmed materials.  This one is particularly close to my own heart–Buddy Red Bow–The Lost Buffalo Tapes (www.oyate.com) During the nineties we produced an hour long show called The Buddy Red Bow Story.  For those of you who didn’t know BRB, he was one of the first (and greatest) contemporary Lakota musicians.  We produced a public radio program on his life to be aired on the anniversary of his death.  I remember when we were producing the show I was writing the script and I kept saying to Milt that it seemed pretty slim–not enough stuff.  He told me not to worry–Buddy’s music would carry the day.  When he finally finished the program, he dropped a tape in my lap on his way out the door and said, “Listen and see what you think now.” 

I put the tape on and listened to the whole show.  By the end, I was sitting on the couch crying and Buddy was singing “Don’t you worry–I’ll be back some day.”  Even having written the thing it touched my heart.  I hope you’ll take a listen.  The Buffalo Tapes and The Buddy Red Bow Show are two different things but all great. 

I am getting near the end of our semester and figure I won’t have much time to post for the next couple of weeks but will make an effort to flop something up now and then.  My blueberry plants are calling out to be planted (not that I have bought any yet).  I saw a patch of daffodils the other day and the prairie and Badlands are “going green.”

Peace,

Jamie Lee

Albert’s Manuscript–Chapter 9

This is the final installment of Albert’s Manuscript.  To begin at the beginning, you will need to scroll down and find the first segment.   

Day Five

Morning Recording Session

 

Albert’s Notes

Jilly had to awaken me this morning. In the night, a deep weariness crept into the very marrow of my old bones, followed by a piercing longing to stand on the edge of a turquoise pool filled by twin water falls. I told Jilly, “This will be our last session.” Her look of disappointment, perhaps a touch of grief, was clear to me. “But Grandfather, you have done so many important things in your life, led so many into healing. Shouldn’t we record all of that?”

“No, Jilly,” I told her. “Mine has only been one life, and not such an important one. What I did, I did because they asked it of me. And this,” I pointed to the recorder and her tidy, growing stack of pages. “This completes what they asked of me–to tell of my visit to the realm of the ancestors.”

She looked as if she wanted to weep but strengthened her spine and gave me a sweet smile. “You have to at least tell me about Sarah.”

She pushed play-record and grinned. We mustn’t leave out the romance for a twenty-three year old woman. Of course, I could never leave Sarah out. She was my heart, my First Woman.

 If there is one thing I have observed in this long life, it is that every human being seeks their own First Man or First Woman, their true mate. Even you, Jilly, I told her. She blushed when I said that. Very pretty.

“Our final session, Jilly. Shall I begin?”

“Please do, Grandfather. I want to hear about Grandmother Sarah.”

Sarah was the rancher’s niece, a pretty brunette, a city girl from Minneapolis. She came to spend the autumn with her uncle on the ranch where I worked. The first time I saw her it was one week after my twenty-first birthday. I am ashamed to say that I didn’t really see her. She was a white girl, a city girl, nothing to do with me, right? She was nineteen, and an artist.

Then one day I was walking past the pump house and saw her over in the shade of the rancher’s house with an easel set up. She was painting. Her long straight, brown hair flowed down her back and, suddenly, when I looked at her, I saw the mane of her hair shimmer and sparkle. I blinked and looked again. It appeared to be changing colors from brown, to gold, to deep black, to pale white. It was not so much the hair itself that was changing, but a thin glow of light resting on the hair.

I stood there, staring at her hair and feeling oafish, lumpy and adolescent, and that is when       I remembered. I’m not even sure how a man’s memory could bring forth two entire days worth of images in mere seconds, but mine did, as if a mo-tion picture formed from beginning to end in a moment. My brain handed me the memory of my two-day journey as a complete packet stored in the golden front chamber of my brain.

Then I walked over to where Sarah was and watched in stunned amazement as she put the final brush strokes on the most vivid of my memories. On her easel was the picture of a man on a hillside curled into him self, weeping, his tears flowing in thin streams into a standing grove of trees of many kinds. And painted within their midst was a stand of thin, white-barked Aspen trees. I couldn’t speak.       I just turned and walked away.

The next day I told my boss I had to go home for a day. Instead, I drove back to where I had slid off my horse in a red rain. I got out of my old truck and walked to the exact place and sat down. There was a pile of damp leaves and, beneath the leaves, I felt metal. It was the small bowl that First Woman had pushed into my hand just before I went into the twin falls. Cradling the bowl in my lap, I sat beneath that tree all day and all night, staring blindly across this land while my mind retraced the path of the journey of those two days. I remembered it all, or most of it.  

When the sun rose at dawn, I had ‘sunk it’ deep within myself. The vision has never left, although additional small details came in bits and pieces. And whenever the smaller details came, I have jotted them down on whatever was handy.

Nearly a year later, on the Fourth of July, Sarah and I were married. You see, I no longer saw her as a white woman but as a Weaver. And the fabric we wove together over our lifetime, it was a beautiful thing. We had much love.

 

 

Albert’s Notes

Jilly applauded-my audience of one. I gave her instructions on what to do with the manuscript, and all the many slips of paper, and sketches, and notes I’d saved over the years. She noted my instructions and agreed to do as asked.

That evening, I took her to town to celebrate with a nice supper.  It felt right to end the story there, with my marriage to Sarah. All I had been instructed to do was now done. No more, and no less. And like the stone that First Man had me drop again, it is a little bit hard to let go of my scraps of paper, and this manuscript.

And now I am alone again.

Jilly’s End Note:

Grandfather Albert’s instructions did not in-clude me adding this note, but I’m drawn to write it anyway. The days spent recording Grandfather’s stories were like no other I’ve ever experienced. In order to record the story, it was as if he had to take himself (and me) back to the Spirit World to reclaim the information. After each session, I could recall none of what he said.  A strange amnesia came over me, but it was a sweet amnesia, filled with a deep joy.

I’d walk out alone at night while he rested and see, really see, that the world is made up of scintillating points of light. This lasted only a little while, and then it appeared solid once again as I remembered to forget, but I remembered enough to know that this realm, and the realm that Grandfather visited, are composed of the same stuff.

Another odd experience I had while gathering (yes, gathering) his material was the way I’d recognize complete strangers. I’d run into town to do this or that errand, and feel as if I knew all the people I saw. This is not my town-I don’t know any of the people-and yet I would recognize them, as if their actual names were on the tip of my tongue. That experience didn’t last either but comes back to me on occasion.

All my life Grandfather has called me his ‘little weaver’. I never knew why until now. I thought it was just a pet name he gave me because I liked puzzles and beading, and anything that had patterns within them. Now, I know that Grandfather saw us all: the Walkers, the Watchers; the Weavers; and yes, I read his sad note about the Weepers. All of these people, too, are familiar to me.

I’m back in college now, and with each course I take,  I recall Grandfather’s words and smile. The physicists, the seekers and spiritualists, the new philosophers and thinkers, the scientists-they all sing the same song-the song Grandfather heard in his two-day journey.

After Grandfather completed his recording, he took me out to dinner, and talked a long time about how, in just the last decade, he has seen the Weaver’s hands upon the loom of the world. How I love that image. He even named a few, said he knew of many couples right here in the Black Hills and Pine Ridge who have given birth to children with extra abilities. They read through time, he told me, they read each other, they see patterns and interconnectedness in all that is around them. I got very excited and wondered at my own place in the design of this new world.

I did not share his vision, it belonged only to Grand-father, and yet my close work with him during those intense few days of recording, has given me his vision like a gift. I begin to hear and see the world and its people differently. He stepped me back far enough (10,000 years) to see the larger design. Suddenly, the world is not such a dark place, but sitting at the end of a spiritual winter waiting for the bursting-forth energy of spring and the opening of a new spiral.

Grandfather did not give me permission to add this end-note to his great symphony, but I feel compelled to do so. I assume it is the spirit that directs me and, if so, I’m sure he will approve.

Here is what I observe as I take his lessons into my heart and the bright chamber of my mind. I needn’t fear loss-it is only temporary. The spirit of my loved ones is inhaled with every breath         I take. We think we fear death, but it is the fear of not being fully alive that consumes us. We desire to take life fully, bring about creation and take our full power and place in the world. We simultaneously desire it-and fear it-because then we may have to stand alone again for a moment. This takes great strength.

  We are in danger of becoming a Weeper when we see only what is behind, and not what is directly around us guiding us to become more.  I’ll stop now. Grandfather wanted to not interpret too much and neither should I. That is for each of us to do separately. And we do not learn-we weave.

One week after Grandfather finished recording his story, he passed one night into a peaceful coma and, three days later, went home to First Man and First Woman, to his father and mother, and to Sarah.

I would have attached his obituary here-I still would like people to know his great works in the world-but I honor his request to remain anonymous. Even in the telling of his story, he would not offer his last name or his lineage because he wanted nothing to distract from the words themselves, and the story as it stands. I did as instructed by my Elder, and now his words are in the hands of another.

           

  Mitakuye Oyasin,      

                     Jilly

Author’s Note

Dear Reader,

I also don’t want to interfere with Albert’s story but, like Jilly, feel drawn to add a note. For many years I was working on a novel series in which the characters continually seek the intersection between heaven and earth. In one novel, I encountered Albert and heard of Albert’s Manuscript and ‘The Wind of a Thousand Years’. I liked the images it evoked but never explored it fully until one winter day in 2004.  I was stuck in the novel and finally asked myself, “What does Albert’s Manuscript say?”

When I put pen to paper in a cheap notebook, I wrote Albert’s Manuscript in nonstop sessions over the next six days. I put no pressure on the words to perform, asked nothing of them, but just allowed the book to be whatever it wanted to be. I was both fully engaged and completely detached-and when it was done, it was done. Nothing more could be added.

Albert is not a real person, not in this realm anyway, but I suspect he is not very far away-and had something he wanted to say. I was willing to listen and write.

I’d like to see how strong the Weavers of the world really are. Can we connect and find each other? Can we create a world where learning is about weaving creation? What fun it will be to find out. 

                   Peace,

                           Jamie Lee

Albert’s Manuscript–Chapter 7

Day Four

Morning Recording Session

“Already this becomes a pattern, Jilly, with you sitting there, and me sipping coffee. Is your talking machine on?”

“On and recording, Grandfather.

“Good, this is good. We are almost there. Let me see, where did I leave off yesterday?”

In all the time I had spent with my father, we had been in the beautiful emerald valley, the sun bright and yellow above us. Now, as Father finished his instructions to me, his form again shifted to the smaller, sinewy form of First Man as we neared the top of the hill. The gray walls I’d first encountered with my Grandfather rose suddenly around us once again. They were the color of slate and threw light back at me. I put my hand flat on its surface and it felt as solid.

First Man smiled. “Don’t worry. It is solid, just not as solid as we once believed.”

I entered through the same arched doorway into the wide hall but, when I turned to speak to First Man, he was gone. He had not followed me in. Fear clutched my middle for an instant but the feeling was quickly removed by that warm presence behind me that father had told me to sink into my belly. Evidently, I had done it right.

I wandered an open, empty space that looked like a large, enclosed courtyard. Uncertain about what to do next, I waited, but not for long.

I felt her presence before she entered. There was a change in the air, a softening of the energy.  It’s hard to describe, but when I turned to see where the change was coming from, I saw First Woman enter from an opening to my right. I think I had expected a female twin to the sinewy First Man but, instead, before me stood the most beautiful young women I have ever seen. She was so beautiful that I felt suddenly oafish, lumpy and adolescent in her presence.

Her features were fine and smooth.  Long hair flowed to her waist and seemed to take the qualities of this place into itself because the color shifted with each step she took. It was dark as the night sky one moment, and a pale red sunrise the next, and then yellow as sunlight a second later. Finally, all color left until her hair looked like a moonbeam.    I must have looked ridiculous, like a boy meeting a movie star. She laughed and I heard bells, crystal bells, tinkling in her laughter. 

“Oh Albert.” She laughed again. “You look dumbstruck.” She ran a hand over her hair as if telling it to settle down, and it muted all color back to deep night.

You would think such a woman would wear flowing white robes but she wore only an ordinary tan cotton shift. No adornment, no rings, no beads, no strands of shell, or headgear or feathers. In truth, she needed nothing added.   I think I was just a little in love-maybe a lot.  Forever after I would seek her in all the women I saw, and would eventually marry the one who had her qualities. I shook myself and blushed. “Sorry. You are First Woman and I am a rude boy. I expected you to be old.”

“I am. I am very, very old.” She grinned. “Come, we have much to talk about and very little time.”

First Woman turned and quickly walked out the way she had entered. I followed. We passed the gray walls and were suddenly standing on the shore of a beautiful turquoise lake surrounded by red canyon walls. Across the lake, twin waterfalls flowed over high ledges and landed in limestone-crusted plates of stone that looked placed by the hand of god. A fine misty spray reached my face from where we stood.

First Woman said, “Pretty, isn’t it? It is my favorite place in all of the realms. Water helps me think.” She walked down the path a hundred yards and sat down on a wide slab of polished wood cut from a giant cottonwood tree. I took a place beside her.

“You are having quite the adventure, Albert.”

“Yes.”

“I am to instruct you about the Weavers, the children who are arriving. Many are already here, actually.”

I had nearly forgotten the words First Man had said, so filled with my father was I still. “Yes, First Man told me.”

The bright look on her face faded as though a cloud had passed overhead. I glanced upward but the sky was a sheet of blue.

“You must listen carefully, Albert. Much de-pends upon these children finding their place in this time. For a thousand years the wind has tumbled the people of earth into one another until they no longer remember where they belong, who they are, or what they have come to do. The longing, the seeking, the deep sense of aloneness and isolation will, for a time yet, cloud all connection with the higher realms, even with the earthly realm. It is a blindness of the soul-you know of what I speak.”

“Yes, I think I do.” I thought again of blind Albert unconscious beneath a grove of cotton-woods.

“It comes rapidly now, this time of change. Soon you must go back but my instructions are very specific and won’t take long, so I want to tell you one small story from my own storyline.” First Woman smiled and the shadow lifted.

Her smile warmed me to the core of my being. I really was in love. She could have talked for one hundred years and I would not have wiggled, so enamored of her was I. Her words were like warm water.

“Before the Wind began, actually it was already blowing, we just didn’t know it, but all the people had a deep belonging with the natural world. We spoke the language and heard the language of earth, stone, animals, dreams, and the soft whispers from the spirit realm. We spoke the language and we listened. It was a natural, graceful way of being. In truth, we couldn’t have survived this cycle without the help of the plants and animals. When the Wind began, it stirred the natural rhythms and disturbed them. It brought with it the beginning energy of separating and, with that, an awareness of what is mine-and what is yours.” First Woman stopped and gazed into my face. “Do you understand?”

I said I wasn’t sure.

“The deep harmonies were disturbed, Albert. Now, instead of living in belonging with all things, we drifted from true belonging into ownership. This belongs to me. That belongs to you. That doesn’t belong. You see?  The energy of belonging shifted.”

I nodded, now understanding her meaning.

“It is impossible to describe how this shift interrupted the natural rhythms, but you can see the result in your world. Now the people of earth fight to have, and not to be. From this place I am now, this high vista, I see the many cycles which form the spiral of which First Man spoke; the energies of gathering, belonging, separating, and alone. Now a new twist of the spiral opens. It will carry human-kind into the next, and even deeper, com-munication between the realms, but it has been very painful, this ending of one cycle and the opening of the new.”

As First Woman spoke, I felt the pain of which she spoke like a knife-point at my throat. I said nothing, just nodded again like a puppet.

“When I was a young girl I, like you, was taken to the this realm, and made a Watcher. It is very difficult to be a Watcher, Albert. You live in one world while simultaneously seeing another. It is confusing, and sometimes very painful. Always you ask why others cannot see what you see. You feel very alone. You see-but are seldom seen by others. Being instructed, as you have been during your time here, helped me, but still I had to live in a world that was rapidly changing.”

She took my hand in hers and continued. “In my village, a neighbor to First Man’s village, I was a maiden of the Sun. I took the Sun as my master. Another man, a priest in my village, fell into the Wind and took darkness into his soul. I tell you this not as an indulgence, but to let you know that in that time, the seed of this time was also planted. I fled my village with another Watcher from the south. I had twin babies in my womb. The evil priest believed himself to be the father of those babes, a boy and a girl but, in truth, they were special children formed from the mating of the Sun and the Moon.”

First Woman gave another tinkling laugh. “Never mind about the logistics of that mating. It simply was. There were others born to the Watchers at that same time around the world, and it is these special children who have seeded the human race with what is needed as the new spiral begins. The descendents of all of those children are like a silver net holding the potential for this new time, when the Wind is ending. I’ll try to explain in more modern terms. The energy of sun and moon combined in these children and created a new chamber in the brain.” First Woman tapped her forehead between her brows. “Here. This chamber is not unlike its predecessor, it is the place of connection, of gathering, but in these descendents of sun and moon, it carries an even greater potential, a preparation for the new spiral of gathering and belonging. A wider reach, so to speak.”

First Woman was excited about this mysterious chamber of which she spoke. Her eyes were wide and shining. I could not take the time to think through all she said because I simply needed to record her words in my mind so I wouldn’t forget.

“Oh, Albert. The potential is so great, so far- reaching and full of promise, and yet so fragile at the same time, but it is container only.  It is like having a miraculous machine, but it must first be turned on. If properly turned on, the human race will flourish once again and surpass its former state of being. The sense of belonging will reach far, far beyond the skin of a single person. Do you understand?”

“I think so.” In truth, I didn’t understand yet, but her excitement was so contagious that I was caught it its glow.

“The Wind of a Thousand Years will not have been in vain for it will herald in such a time of peace, of connection, of light. I want that for the next generation, and all the generations to follow.”

Her eyes misted over and pale particles of light and energy rose up from her shining hair again and formed a halo around her head. I was reminded of the sweet images of the Virgin Mary that I had so loved as a child. In fact, this woman was not unlike my image of that other woman. Such a vision she held for the human race and, with her help, I saw the promise of it too. Her vision of humanity bloomed in my own mind, although it was not the world I currently knew.

She watched my face, her gaze tender and sweet. “You see it?”

“I do.”

“Good. Then my story has carried what it needed to carry to you.” She leaned over and kissed my brow in the same place she had tapped her own brow. “Now sink it, Albert. Sink that vision into your middle.”

She sounded like my father and I laughed. With that most tender of kisses, First Woman became all business again. She ran quickly through my instructions on what she called ‘Care of the container for Weavers.’ She began by reminding me that we cannot know which children are descendents of the sun and moon energies and so therefore, the instructions apply to all children. “As it should be,” she said. She did say that we will in some ways be able to recognize the Weavers because they will enter the world greedy, restless for knowledge, impatient to learn-and intolerant when that learning is denied or constrained.

First Woman then spent a long time talking to me about how, in this new time, we must be mindful of the larger container of earth, that the Weavers must have pure water, pure air, the food supply restored and cared for, and that the ability of these children to weave will depend upon their own brain’s ability to weave its fine connections. “Caring for the weaving child requires a larger spiral of care,” she said, “Which includes care of the mother, care for the family, and care of the earth.”

Remember that the man receiving these rapid instructions was a crazy, young man who had not even considered fatherhood as an option yet. I think that First Woman must have poured the information like liquid into my own container.    I took it in whole, in one long, thirsty drink and have never forgotten the simple instructions she gave.   

However, in the world that unfolded as I grew and aged, following her instructions was another matter entirely. From what I could see, in the final decades of apathy and despair left in the wake of the mighty Wind, our institutions and culture did exactly the opposite of what she instructed. It was remarkable.

But I also saw that these children with the golden chambers, the special containers, would not be denied the learning or the care required.

“A break, Jilly? I begin to stray from my story.”

 ”Yes, Grandfather.”

Albert’s Notes

Jilly looked reluctant to push the stop button on her recorder, but smiled and clicked it off. Oh, I knew she was one of them, one of the Weavers. I haven’t yet said a word about the others, the ones not descended from this ancient line, born of sun and moon, the ones whose containers, for whatever reason, were not filled with this potential.

First Woman called them ‘The Weepers’. Sadly, those who could not pass through the final days of the Wind, she said, would cry all their lives for what they could not have, be, or do. They would die having never thrown off the gray net of despair. I will make no further mention of this hereafter. You will know them when you meet them, the Weepers. They cry and they cry. First Woman also told me to remember that eventually all will cross the stream again and be descendents of sun and moon.

For many years I wondered about this use of words beginning with a ‘W’ in this language of the other realms, and the new spiral. The only thing I saw is that it is the only letter in the English alphabet whose two thin arms reach for heaven, for the higher realms, while its bottom is firmly planted on the earth. ‘W’.  Firmly seated-but reaching.

The telling of this story, so long held, is both energizing and making me weary to the bone. I’m embarrassed to say I sent Jilly off to do useless errands so I could be alone in my home for a moment.

The meeting with First Woman shaped the rest of my life. I became an artist so I could capture her in oil or watercolor. I took up photography to chase her shadow on film. I wrote to feel her hand cover mine over the pen. I married my wife because she reminded me of First Woman. She was a good wife to me, too, and soon, I will find her again.

I think it is time for a rest.

I am an old man. After the last session I crabbed back into my room and stretched out on the bed for nearly an hour until Jilly returned and came back to see that I was all right. I didn’t tell her that it is only there, in my dreams, that I see First Woman. She is always there, whenever I seek her guidance. Refreshed from my nap, I told Jilly that we would do one more session after lunch. It is time to finish this story now.

Albert’s Manuscript–Chapter 6

To read the first five chapters of this short novel scroll down until you find Part 1.

 

Day Three

Afternoon recording session

“The coffee is good this afternoon, Jilly.”

“Thanks Grandpa. Are you ready?”

“Yes. Stop me, Takoja, if what I say is not clear. I want to get this next part down in a good way. Are we on?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

The era of despair.

First Man said the end of each major cycle overlaps with the opening of the next. One is closing, another opening, but not like doors, not so clearly defined. He explained that during this long transition there will appear to be very different types of humans on earth. The time of transition will be blurred, and there will be difficult struggles as the long dark winter is ending and a new spring beginning.

First Man said several things would influence this time, whether we survive as a race, or simply blink out of all time. Most importantly, he said, we must take our gathering and belonging only from our ancestral line, and from the parents. The parents are like the spillway of a great reservoir high in the mountains. Like water spilling over a damn, the flow of life must enter us through the gateways of our parents and it is from there we take our truest belonging. We may choose to gather with others and belong, but all belonging is only fleeting and temporary except for the ancestral line. There we belong forever.  And we must return to tribes and clans and follow the line of memory and learning through these pathways.

If we do this, if we create strong families, from these sturdy cradles will spring the new child. First Man was very particular about this. This child, rooted firmly in the family, will remember to remember. This child will see both forward and backward. He called these children “The Weavers.” This child, he said, would be able to see back before the time of the Wind and remember to whom he truly belongs. Because they are firmly rooted in the family, like the Aspen, they will be strong and have long lives.

I asked First Man why he named them so. He said they would be born with the potential to weave one realm with another-very important. With proper care, they would remember the spirit realm from which they came. The Weavers would have access to the higher realms and would, therefore, have special abilities to hear, to feel, to see beyond the physical body and into the spirit body, wherever it roams.

First Man told me we must take great care in the raising of the weaving child and that I would receive further instructions on that later.  He said it is enough to know that in this new opening of the spiral-of gathering, belonging, separating, and alone-the gathering or bonding would be with the higher realms. The Weavers toss the net that makes this possible, the weaving of heaven and earth together into one continuous fabric.

I was entranced with that image, of small children weaving threads that tie this earthly life to the higher realms. He said the Watchers of my age become the Weavers in this new age.

When he had finished his long talk about the Weavers, I asked First Man the question that had been sitting on my breast ever since I came here to this place, or even longer perhaps, since I first came from the spirit realm as a newborn into my troubled family. He’d told me earlier that I chose it, it did not choose me, but I needed to ask again, “Why me, First Man?”

He looked at me for a long moment and then smiled. “Ah, that ancient question. Where would humankind be without that question?”

First Man began to turn away, but I was not to be put off. “I need to know. Why have you brought me here? Why have you told me about the spiral of life?”

“You forget so quickly, Albert. We did not bring you here. You came because of your question-and to find your father.”

“But I haven’t found my father.”

Then, in the odd manner of this realm, the moving points of light and energy rearranged themselves within the bird-like body of First Man. His flesh filled, his skeletal frame shifted before my eyes and, in a moment, First Man was my father.  He said nothing. Just stood before me with the steely strength I remembered so well.

“Father.”

“My son.”

I was stunned to be looking into the eyes of my father. Around me, points of light flickered with remembered images-father putting me on a pony, father teaching me to hunt, father cornering mother to steal a kiss, father wiping morning milk from my sister’s mouth. The poisonous pain and grief that had so filled me to the brim two years earlier when he died rushed to my head. I nearly passed out.  Deep within my belly the grief rolled up my body like thunder and, suddenly, an astounding sound issued from my mouth that was both human and animal, both call and cry. I couldn’t stop it. It was as if the wailing became like great birds that clutched my pain in their sharp talons, and then flew out of my body.

Father took me in his arms and held me. I couldn’t speak. There was nothing to say. He cradled my speechless body until the wailing ceased and only a breathless gasping issued from my mouth.

I grew calm again, resting deeply in his care. A bright, new sun rose in my body as I realized first, that he had not ever been gone from me, not where it counts, and second, that my strength was in my ancestral roots. Just as First Man had said, my true belonging was to my father and mother’s lines and in order to be strong in the world, I needed to remember that.  

Finally, my grief-to my great relief-was exhausted.  I pulled away from him and smiled at this man who had given me life from the seed of his body. “I found you.”

Father shook his head. “I was not lost. You were. What you found was yourself, Son. Come. Let’s sit.”

We chose a large boulder and sat in the sun. I wanted to know the connection between the man   I knew as my father, and First Man, who had showed me the story of The Wind of a Thousand Years.

“There is no need to tell you all of my stories, Son. The many times my spirit has traveled from this realm to the others is like a man crossing a streambed-first on one bank, then into the water, then up onto the far bank. You also have been in and out like a frog in a pond.” He laughed and the sound warmed my soul. “We all have. Most of us are blessed with not having to remember. We are all traveling the same spiral.” He stopped a moment and cocked his head as if listening, or testing the wind. “We must finish this talk soon. You cannot leave your physical body for so long that it is damaged or dies.”

At first I laughed. I’d grown so accustomed to this place, I’d nearly forgotten the young, drunk Albert beneath another grove of trees. But then the laughter died and a flood of shame brought the gray net hovering over my head. “I haven’t been a very good son, Father.”

“I know, Albert.”

“I am ashamed.”

“It will be better now, my boy. Not easy, but better. There is much that needs to be done, and you mustn’t replace pain and anger with guilt. Guilt is a useless thing unless we learn.”

“But what am I to do? What is the meaning of all of this?”

Father said, “The lessons have been clear. You will understand more and more as you age. One day, when the time is right, you are to give these lessons away. You are in your own small cycle, Son. You are gathering. You will go home and carry these things for many, many years, and then you will set them apart from you, give them away to others, and you will be alone once again.”

“How will I know when the time is right?”

“I can’t tell you that. You will know. All I can say is that one day when you are old and nearly ready to come back to this realm, a young woman will come to you. You will give her this story. Write down all you remember from your time here, and all you learn from it as you move through life. Keep it for her.”

“Who is she?”

“She is First Man’s wife. I call her First Woman. She is part of my story. You see Son, we are all part of long story lines. Occasionally, we remember them. Most of the time, we don’t. First Woman’s story also begins with the coming of the Wind. It is nearly time for you to meet her.”

Above my head the sky grew dense and gray. This clouded world was becoming familiar to me, caught by the net of my own fear and doubt. “Father, what if I fail? What if I don’t do this in a good way, whatever purpose I am to fill? How will I know?”

“You will know, Albert. We always know when the path is right. But then we must choose that path. There are other Watchers, many of them now around the world, who have been given a similar task. Your part is not so great. In fact, it is quite, quite small actually.”

Father must have seen the balloon of my pride deflate a little and he chuckled. “A holy man you’re not. Never take this gift in a prideful way. It is the only sure way to fail. Do you understand? You will be silent except with a few guides you will meet along the way, until it is time to complete this moment.”

“Yes Father, I understand.”

“Also understand, I will not be so far away.”

“Thank you, Father.” And then I thought of the little desk in the grove and laughed. “Why the school desk?”

Father laughed with me, and then slapped my shoulder. “If you would have gone and looked, you would have seen your initials carved into the corner. Come, now you will go to First Woman and get her teachings and then it will be time to return.”

There was so much I wanted to ask him, especially about the gunshot, the blood, the death, my mother and sisters, how I would explain to them-but all the questions fled my mind like nervous sparrows as soon as they landed. It was clearly not the time to ask these questions, and I thought about what he’d said about always knowing the right path.  I did, however, keep my eye on my father’s back as we walked, fearful that he would vanish in a swirl of moving points of energy. Grief began to rest on my shoulders like a shawl cut from the blanket of gray. Must I lose him a second time, I wondered. Why?

Before we’d walked a quarter mile, Father stopped walking and turned back to me, as if he’d sensed the direction of my thoughts. He put his hand on my shoulder and turned my body away from his. “Look again, Albert, out into the great valley to the grove of trees.”

I raised my eyes and stared out across the vast lands, my father at my back, his hand resting on my shoulder. Over my head he said, “This is my place always. You cannot lose me, just as my father holds his place forever at my back, and his behind him. You must plant this feeling, this energy, deeply into your body and then fear will no longer rule your life.”

I stood a long time and did as he told me. I took the radiant heat of his presence behind me and sunk it deep into my belly. As I did this, the fear, the grief, the grayness left once again.

“Good,” he said.

I turned, knowing this would be my final full look at the form of my father. “I love you, Father. I hadn’t told you that, not for a long time. That was the hardest thing. I never told you.”

Father smiled. “You didn’t have to.”

Albert’s Notes

Poor Jilly. This was proving to be an emotional task for her, acting as my secretary. Her cheeks were wet with tears yet again. She too had lost her father at a young age. “Come my takoja, let me show you.” Takoja means grandchild in Lakota. It was what my own grandfather called me when I was a boy in need of comfort.

I took her hand and pulled her to her feet. She had done all of the recording sessions sitting on my floor at my feet. Jilly swiped at her tears with the back of her hand. It made her look six and not twenty-three. We are always a child to our parent or grandparent. I turned her body so she could look out across my golden prairie, and then I stood behind her just as my father had done, my hands resting very lightly on her shoulders, to add presence and not burden. “Close your eyes,” I told her. “Now, let yourself feel your father behind you, and his father behind him here.” I pressed my fingertips against her right shoulder. “And on the other side, the line of your mother, stretching so far back you see only the haze of time.” I pressed my fingertips into her left shoulder. “Your strength comes in here, from behind you, from the strong men and women of your line. It comes to give you courage.”

Jilly nodded.

“You feel it?” I asked her.

She nodded again. I felt the subtle shifting of energy, the realignment of her body beneath my palms. I grinned and whispered in her ear. “Now sink it deep.” I waited a moment. “Good. Now open your eyes and look out there at our beautiful world. If you look very carefully, you will see the play, the points of light moving, always moving.”

When Jilly turned around to face me, she wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me. “Thank you, Grandpa. I got it. I sunk it deep.”

“Wonderful. Maybe we need a short walk. Let’s go see if the air out there is made of sugar this morning.”

We had a lovely walk and returned to my humble dwelling much refreshed. Jilly cut up some more chicken breasts for our supper and we ate it with one of those dull salads people are so wild about these days. Then I retired to my room to watch the darkness come and the pale light of the moon rise over the earth.